Monday, August 24, 2009
10:45 PM
75 days and counting down. Everyday is just the same old boring shit. Now there is something worse, army open house.
Life sucks here with lousy ppl. Ppl that are not capable, not understanding and worse of all, stubborn with all their stupid thoughts. All the ppl here have is the dumb Epaulette called rank on their shoulders and they think with that, everything they say is right. But the truth is, they have no idea the difference between whats right and wrong. They are so constantly living in their own world where they thought they strive in. Useless bastards wasting the tax payers money. Lets not talk too much about them shall we, we are only adding on the wastage of breathe here.
Has been thinking of life after i ORD, how is it going to be, what will i be doing, and most importantly how will it change from the life i am leading now. Will it be better? or will it turn out worse than it is now. But i still look forward to it somehow or rather. i mean, its always interesting if new stuffs happen to u, whether bad or good though u would prefer the latter. I hope this optimism stays on.
Army open house burning most of my weekends, leaving me either spending life meaninglessly in camp or at home cause of ppl being held up by their life during weekdays.
But as the same old saying goes, fark it =)
.
sun set or sun rise;
up to us to decide
Monday, August 10, 2009
1:10 AM
Came back from thailand. It was a fruitful trip, not like the usual. I wasn't really into shopping or going anywhere this time round, it was weirdly more of a "realising" trip.
Apparently i got my future told, not that i wanted to but it was just told to me. Believe it or not, its up to me. But it can't be that coincidental that all 3 different people told me the same thing, and its not the first time i was being told this. Unavoidable?
Well, recently i really have quite alot of personal problems. Some are pre-happened problems that i foresee, some are problems that have been lingering for quite some time while the others are just new found ones. I'm really sick and tired of so many problems at a go. Probably like what many ppl say, life is full of problems but maybe they should feed me with them some at a time and not so many. I really couldn't catch a breath. I needed some comfort i couldn't find it, i needed guidance but there aren't any . . . The only moment i am really enjoying myself is when i'm going to bed at home. Going to bed hoping that there will be a better tml(it nva really came), going to bed imagining happy things happening(self-delusional), going to bed confiding to the dream-ppl. I think i'm turning autistic. i couldn't help it. Don't ask me about it, i don't feel like talking about it. Everytime i feel like talking to someone about it, situation just dun allow me to. Then when the environment is available for me to do so, the feeling of talking was lost. I wouldn't ask anyone to help me on this cause i know there isn't any available. There have been just so much, so much i've been thru i just couldn't believe.
Dun need to worry about me doing foolish stuff cause i won't. I know just too much how precious life is. I know what i need to accomplish in life, its just that the things just keep stacking every now and then. I dunno how to handle them properly sometimes. I just screw them up. every now and then. Screw it, screw this, screw that. Dun bother me about any things at all, i couldn't be bothered. U can call me selfish or what, but all i want to do now is to figure out how "to stop feeling this way".
This is a very sad entry, i also dunno why i suddenly feel like posting it. Dun ask me about it, it'll only make me more troubled. I have my reasons for not saying my things, just leave me be. Maybe time will solve things like what many ppl say. But i'm just not the kind that will sit and wait for things to happen. i rather make things happen.
The you in my dreams makes me look forward to each new day, the breaking of the new dawn. I really hope i can see you one day. For it is through you that i realise the beauty of this world, though its depleting....
sun set or sun rise;
up to us to decide
